Reclaim Your Joy: How to Feel Deeply and Transform Suffering
We all experience suffering in our lives. Whether it's from past traumas, present circumstances, or oppressive systems, suffering can strip our capacity for joy and limit our potential. But what if we can release suffering and transform it into deep joy for life?
This blog post explores my conversation about joy and suffering with Dr. Tanmeet Sethi. Dr. Sethi is an integrative and psychedelic medicine physician, activist, author, and speaker who recently published her book Joy is My Justice. It’s a fantastic read.
Dr. Sethi defines joy as an embodied experience that lives in the same deep well as our pain.
“[Joy] comes from our capacity for love and meaning,” according to Dr. Sethi. She contrasts joy with happiness, explaining that happiness is more of a cognitive construct. We talk about happiness as something that we measure rather than experience.
To truly understand the value of joy, we must acknowledge the existence of suffering and pain. While pain is a physical sensation, suffering encompasses the emotional and psychological toll that it takes on us. Our bodies respond to suffering in various ways, and its impact on our emotions can be overwhelming. It is essential to recognize that oppressive systems, whether societal or personal, can contribute to our suffering.
Suffering can be so detrimental that it can put our bodies in a state of high alert.
This stress response is part of your sympathetic nervous system. You’ve probably heard of it as fight, flight, or freeze mode. And when you’re in pain, this automatic and unconscious response can literally save your life.
But we aren’t designed to be on high alert all the time. It’s like keeping your car engine running constantly without a break. Eventually, that engine will break down because it’s designed to be turned off at least part of the time.
If our physical engine keeps running endlessly, we’ll break down as well.
Our capacity for joy is intricately linked to our ability to alleviate suffering, to pursue love, and find meaning.
By reclaiming joy, we are reclaiming our story and creating a bigger narrative. However, our potential for growth and fulfillment is often limited by the burdens of suffering we carry. Embracing joy allows us to break free from the constraints of our pain and rewrite the script of our lives.
“We can feel joy in the same breath and continuum as anger, fear, rage, and sadness. It's the reason you can be at a funeral for a dear lost loved one, have the heaviest heart and laugh with your family about the way that person used to make you feel or or crack you up.”
While pain is inevitable, suffering is not.
Rather than suppressing our emotions, it is crucial to allow ourselves to feel and sit with deep pain. By acknowledging and experiencing our emotions, we can begin the healing process. One helpful exercise is to identify and label our emotions, giving them the space they need for expression. Additionally, incorporating techniques that promote ease and joy into our lives can help us navigate through pain.
To avoid suffering, we must acknowledge and experience our true emotions rather than avoid them. When we notice and name our feelings, we stimulate the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve plays a primary role in our parasympathetic system, which shifts us into a relaxation state. By activating the vagus nerve, we can reduce our stress levels and regulate our emotions. Neuroscientist Matthew Lieberman calls this “labeling” our emotions.
Dr. Sethi said, “By speaking it, by labeling it, by acknowledging it…by saying, I see you sadness, you're bringing it into the light and allowing that light to transmute it in some way.”
It’s essential to acknowledge sitting with our pain and acknowledging it is different from pushing it away and transforming it into toxic positivity.
Toxic positivity limits our access to joy.
Be wary of the toxic positivity trap that invites you to be optimistic and happy no matter what. Toxic positivity sweeps uncomfortable truths and feelings under the rug. When people try to reassure us without acknowledging our pain, it can actually heighten our suffering and make us feel invisible.
True healing requires us to understand and accept the full range of our emotions. We can cultivate authentic joy by acknowledging the positive and negative aspects of our experiences.
All emotions are valid and you have permission to experience them.
As individuals, we often find ourselves navigating through a range of emotions, from joy and excitement to sadness and anger. However, societal norms or personal beliefs may lead us to believe that certain emotions are undesirable or should be suppressed. We must grant ourselves permission to experience and embrace all emotions without judgment or shame. Each emotion carries valuable information about our inner world and can guide us to understand ourselves better. By giving ourselves permission to feel, we open the door to self-compassion, growth, and authentic living.
While the journey towards reclaiming joy begins within ourselves, it is intrinsically connected to the collective human experience.
Our individual liberation is intertwined with the well-being of every other human being. We contribute to a more compassionate and interconnected world by nurturing joy within ourselves.
As human beings, we are interconnected in countless ways, and the energy we emit through our emotions and actions has a ripple effect on the world around us. When we reclaim joy within ourselves, we radiate positivity and inspire others to do the same. Our personal transformation can ignite a chain reaction of joy, spreading from one individual to another and creating a collective shift in consciousness.
For more on the connection between social justice and individual healing, check out my conversation with Anusha Wijeyakumar in Episode 58.
Reclaiming joy is an act of rebellion against the forces that seek to suppress and control us.
Choosing joy becomes a revolutionary act in a world often plagued by suffering, injustice, and oppression. It is a refusal to be defined solely by our pain and a declaration that we will not be defeated by the circumstances that try to diminish our spirit. By reclaiming joy, we reclaim our agency and assert our right to experience happiness and fulfillment.
As we nourish our own joy and share it with others, we contribute to the collective consciousness and create a ripple effect of positivity. By fostering compassion, understanding, and empathy, we build bridges of connection and dismantle barriers that divide us. Every individual's journey toward reclaiming joy matters in this interconnected web of humanity. Through our collective efforts, we can create a world that cherishes and values the well-being of all.
Dr. Sethi said, “When I talk about justice, I'm saying that it's time to reclaim that safety and ease in our bodies. It's time to feel free again in our bodies…[where] the truest justice has always lived, which is inside us, not outside us in this broken world.”
Reclaiming joy is a transformative journey that has the potential to heal and revitalize our lives. By understanding and accepting our emotions, we create space for authentic joy to flourish. Through joy, we can transcend suffering, reclaim our stories, and find a connection with others. As we embark on this path, let us embrace the power of joy and its ability to uplift and transform our lives.
Be well,
Avanti Kumar-Singh, MD
P.S. You might appreciate these conversations and guides to mental health, empathy, and suffering.
